How to make friends as an adult: it takes about 50 hours, so here is how to get them

How long it takes to make a friend

Communication researcher Jeffrey Hall asked 355 adults who had moved in the last six months about someone they'd met since, then followed 112 first-year university students over their first weeks. Combining both studies, he estimated:

That means time hanging out, joking around or playing games. Hours spent working together didn't count as much. "You can't snap your fingers and make a friend," Hall said. The steps below are about finding those hours.

Step by step

1. Pick something you'll do every week

   

   Friendships need repeated time with the same people, so choose something regular: a club, class, sports team, choir or volunteering role. The NHS suggests joining a group built around something you like or want to try, in person or online. Volunteering is another good way to meet people.

2. Keep showing up

   

   At around 2 or 3 hours a week, 50 hours is several months (our arithmetic from Hall's numbers). The first few weeks can feel awkward. That's normal: you haven't had the hours yet.

3. Invite someone to something outside it

   

   "You can't make people spend time with you, but you can invite them," Hall said. His advice is to switch up the context: if you know someone from work or a class, suggest lunch, a coffee or a walk. That signals you'd like to be friends. The NHS suggests meeting new friends in a safe, public place, such as for a walk or a cup of tea.

4. Reconnect with people you already know

   

   Old friends and colleagues already have hours in the bank. The NHS suggests messaging them or starting a group chat. Regular chats help, and the person you contact may be glad you did.

5. Be the one who includes others

   

   When you're part of a group, welcome new people and involve them (NHS). Others are often looking for friends too, and people who've been lonely for a while may need time to respond.

If this doesn't work

• Nobody invites you back: it doesn't mean they don't like you. Keep showing up and try a different person or group.
• You feel lonely even around people: the NHS calls this existential loneliness. Talking about it with someone you trust can help.
• Loneliness is affecting your sleep, mood or health: talk to your GP. In the UK, the NHS lists The Mix for under-25s (0808 808 4494) and Silverline for over-55s (0800 4 70 80 90, free, 24 hours).