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How to help a child who is being bullied: 13 steps

By 8 min read

Last updated: 13 November 2026References

Set preferred
Illustration of a morning kitchen: a boy of about eleven in a school blazer and round glasses sits quietly at the table beside a cereal bowl and a broken pencil case, his mum in a navy hijab pauses while pouring tea and looks at him with concern, and his stepdad in a navy work shirt watches from the doorwayIllustration
On this page 9 sections

In short

The pencil case keeps going "missing". The tummy ache only happens on school days. If you think your child is being bullied, here is how to spot it, talk about it, get the school to act and know when it is a police matter.

Jump to the steps

Illustration of a morning kitchen: a boy of about eleven in a school blazer and round glasses sits quietly at the table beside a cereal bowl and a broken pencil case, his mum in a navy hijab pauses while pouring tea and looks at him with concern, and his stepdad in a navy work shirt watches from the doorway
Illustration

At a glance

No single sign
A cluster of signs is worth a calm conversation (NSPCC)
First contact
Class teacher, form tutor or head of year (NSPCC)
The law in England
State schools must have a behaviour policy that tackles bullying (GOV.UK)
Online bullying
Record dates and times; don't delete messages (GOV.UK)
Children
Childline 0800 1111, free and confidential, any time
Checked
November 2026

If you've got that knot in your stomach because something isn't right with your child at school, you are not overreacting, and you're not on your own. Take a breath with me. We'll go through it together, from the first quiet chat in the car to getting the school to act.

Zayan's new pencil case went "missing" in week three of Year 7. The replacement came home with the zip snapped. Then came the Monday-morning tummy aches, a sudden need for £5 "for a school trip" that didn't exist, and the comic strips he stopped drawing. Amira kept telling herself it was the big jump to secondary school. Leon, his stepdad, wasn't so sure.

The NSPCC says no single sign will tell you for certain that a child is being bullied. But a few of them together are worth acting on. Here are 13 steps, roughly in the order you'll need them. The legal points are for England; the rules are different in Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland.

Spot what's going on

  1. Learn the signs

    Illustration of a worried mum in a navy hijab and olive top holding up a navy pencil case with a torn, broken zip in a bright room
    Illustration

    The NSPCC's list includes belongings getting "lost" or damaged, unexplained bruises, being afraid to go to school or mysteriously "ill" each morning, a dip in schoolwork or homework not handed in, asking for (or stealing) money, becoming nervous, losing confidence or withdrawn, changes in eating or sleeping, and bullying others. One sign on its own may mean nothing. Three in a month deserves a conversation.

  2. Notice who's missing from their life

    Illustration of a boy in glasses and a navy hoodie sitting alone on a sofa at dusk looking at his phone, while through the window behind him a group of children walk past the house
    Illustration

    The NSPCC says children who are bullied tend to have fewer friendships. If the group chat has gone quiet, nobody calls round any more and weekends are suddenly empty, pay attention.

Talk about it

  1. Pick your moment, ideally side by side

    Illustration from outside the windscreen of a mum in a navy hijab driving with her eyes on the road while her son in school uniform and glasses, his seatbelt on, turns to talk to her
    Illustration

    The NSPCC suggests choosing a time when you can give your full attention, and says some children find it easier to talk in the car, when you're not looking straight at them. Amira's best chance turned out to be the school run. Children will tell you almost anything once you're stuck behind a bin lorry.

    Try saying: "Your pencil case has had a rough month. Is anything going on at school that's making things hard?"

  2. Stay calm, even if you want to storm the school gates

    Illustration of a mum in a navy hijab listening calmly to her son on a sofa while, through the open patio doors, his stepdad stands at the far end of the garden with his back to the house and his hands on his hips
    Illustration

    The NSPCC says to remain calm even if you're upset or angry, because your child may already feel scared or embarrassed. The Anti-Bullying Alliance puts it simply: don't panic, listen and reassure. If you explode, your child may decide telling you was a mistake. Leon did his fuming in the garden, which the roses did not enjoy.

  3. Tell them it's not their fault, and promise no surprises

    Illustration of a mum in a navy hijab hugging her relieved son at the kitchen table, his glasses slightly askew, a mug of hot chocolate in front of him
    Illustration

    The Anti-Bullying Alliance advises telling your child that coming to you was the right thing to do, that the bullying is not their fault, and that you won't take any action without discussing it with them first. That last promise matters. It keeps them telling you things.

    Try saying: "Thank you for telling me. None of this is your fault. I won't do anything behind your back. We'll decide together."

  4. Ask what they want to happen, and talk them out of hitting back

    Illustration of a stepdad in a navy work shirt sitting at the foot of the stairs beside his stepson, explaining something calmly with an open hand
    Illustration

    The Alliance suggests finding out what your child wants to happen next and helping them see their choices. It also warns against encouraging retaliation: a child who hits back may get hurt even further and find that they are labelled as the problem. Walking away and getting help is the strong move, and Leon told Zayan exactly that.

Get the school to act

  1. Read the school's behaviour and anti-bullying policy

    Illustration of a mum in a navy hijab reading on a laptop at the kitchen table with a highlighter in her hand and her notebook open beside her
    Illustration

    GOV.UK says that by law all state schools in England must have a behaviour policy that includes measures to prevent all forms of bullying, and that teachers, pupils and parents must be told what it is. The NSPCC suggests asking for the anti-bullying policy, behaviour policy and complaints procedure. They're often on the school website, so you can read them before the meeting.

  2. Start a diary today

    Close-up illustration of a parent's hands writing dated notes in a small notebook on a wooden table, a phone lying face down beside it
    Illustration

    The Anti-Bullying Alliance recommends keeping a diary of events to share with the school. The NSPCC suggests noting the date, place and rough time of each incident, photos of any damaged belongings, and any letters or emails with the school. For online bullying, GOV.UK says to record the date and time of messages and not to delete any. Not sure how to save them? See how to take a screenshot on an iPhone or on a Samsung Galaxy.

  3. Book a meeting, and leave with a plan

    Illustration of a mum in a navy hijab and a stepdad in a navy work shirt sitting across a table from a head of year with a grey bob and lavender cardigan, who writes down agreed actions in a bright school meeting room
    Illustration

    The NSPCC says the first person to contact is usually the class teacher, form tutor, head of year or house tutor. Its meeting checklist: take a notebook and someone for support if it helps, bring your evidence, explain how the bullying is affecting your child, agree what the school will do, set a date to check progress, and agree a key person your child can go to with new worries.

    Try saying (to the school): "Can we agree what happens next, who Zayan goes to if it happens again, and when we'll talk next?"

  4. If it doesn't stop, put it in writing

    Illustration of a mum in a navy hijab at a table by the window folding a letter into an envelope, a calendar with one date circled in red on the wall behind her
    Illustration

    If the bullying continues, the NSPCC suggests asking for another meeting, then following the school's complaints policy, which can mean a letter to the headteacher. At a state school, the next step is the chair of governors, then the local authority. At an academy or free school, the school should set up a hearing with a panel of at least three people who weren't involved. GOV.UK confirms you can complain about a school that hasn't dealt with your concerns.

Beyond the school gates

  1. Help them block and report, instead of taking the phone

    Illustration of a boy and his stepdad sitting side by side on a sofa looking at the boy's phone together, the stepdad pointing at the screen
    Illustration

    Taking away a child's phone or internet access is unlikely to solve online bullying, the NSPCC says, and they may just go online somewhere else or in secret. Instead, have open conversations, review privacy settings together, make sure your child knows how to block anyone who posts upsetting things, and report the account to the platform.

  2. Know when it's a police matter

    Illustration of a mum in a navy hijab at her front door holding a notebook and talking calmly with a community police officer in a yellow hi-vis vest
    Illustration

    GOV.UK says some bullying is illegal and should be reported to the police, including violence or assault, theft, repeated harassment or intimidation (such as threats and abusive calls, emails or texts) and hate crimes. It's usually a good idea to speak to the school first. Call 999 if anyone is in immediate danger. GOV.UK also says state school headteachers have the legal power to deal with bullying off the premises, for example on public transport or in a town centre.

  3. Rebuild their confidence, and get support for you

    Illustration of a boy in glasses laughing with two other children as he shows them his comic sketchbook at a sunny library drawing club, his mum smiling from a chair by the bookshelves
    Illustration

    The NSPCC suggests reminding your child that they're loved and valued and helping them find things that make them feel good, such as music, sport or clubs. It notes that many libraries run free activities. Children can call Childline free on 0800 1111, any time, without giving their real name. Worried adults can call the NSPCC Helpline on 0808 800 5000 (10am to 4pm, Monday to Friday).

    Mrs Clarke moved Zayan's seat, spoke to the boys involved and checked in with him every Friday. He joined the library's drawing club. Last week a new comic strip appeared on the fridge. The hero wears round glasses.

Bullying at a glance

QuestionWhat the advice saysSource
Is one sign enough?No single sign is certain; look for several togetherNSPCC
How do I react?Stay calm, listen, reassure; it is not their faultNSPCC, Anti-Bullying Alliance
Should they hit back?No: they may get hurt further or be labelled the problemAnti-Bullying Alliance
Who do I contact first?Class teacher, form tutor, head of year or house tutorNSPCC
Does the school need a policy?Yes, every state school in England, and parents must be told what it isGOV.UK
What do I record?Date, place and rough time; photos of damage; contact with the schoolNSPCC
Online messagesRecord dates and times; don't delete anythingGOV.UK
Take the phone away?Unlikely to help; block and report insteadNSPCC
If the school doesn't actComplaints procedure, head, then chair of governors (state school)NSPCC, GOV.UK
Police matterAssault, theft, repeated harassment or intimidation, hate crime; 999 in dangerGOV.UK

Source: NSPCC, Bullying and cyberbullying and How can I help my child if they are being bullied?; Anti-Bullying Alliance, How can I help my child if they are being bullied?; GOV.UK, Bullying at school (all read 11 November 2026). Law points apply to England.

Bullying action checklist

  • I've noted which signs I've seen, and when.
  • I've told my child it's not their fault, and that I won't act without them.
  • I've read the school's behaviour and anti-bullying policy.
  • My diary has dates, places and screenshots.
  • We have a follow-up date and a named adult at school.

If your child is in danger

  • If anyone is in immediate danger, call 999.
  • Children and young people can call Childline on 0800 1111 (free, confidential, any time) or text SHOUT to 85258.
  • Parents and carers can call the NSPCC Helpline on 0808 800 5000 (10am to 4pm, Monday to Friday), the YoungMinds parents' helpline on 0808 802 5544 (9.30am to 4pm, Monday to Friday) or Family Lives on 0808 800 2222.
  • If your child talks about hurting themselves, speak to your GP, and Samaritans are on 116 123, free, day or night.

Your turn: what finally got your child to tell you what was happening? Share it in the comments. It might help another parent start that conversation tonight.

Questions readers ask

What are the signs my child is being bullied?

The NSPCC lists belongings getting "lost" or damaged, unexplained bruises, being afraid to go to school or mysteriously "ill" each morning, a dip in schoolwork, asking for or stealing money, becoming nervous or withdrawn, changes in eating or sleeping, and bullying others. No single sign is certain.

Who should I contact at school first?

The NSPCC says the first person to contact is usually the class teacher, form tutor, head of year or house tutor. Ask for the anti-bullying policy, behaviour policy and complaints procedure, which are often on the school website.

Does a school have to deal with bullying?

In England, GOV.UK says by law all state schools must have a behaviour policy that includes measures to prevent all forms of bullying, and teachers, pupils and parents must be told what it is. If the school does not deal with your concerns, you can complain.

When should I go to the police about bullying?

GOV.UK says some bullying is a crime, including violence or assault, theft, repeated harassment or intimidation, and hate crimes. It is usually a good idea to speak to the school first, but call 999 if anyone is in immediate danger.

Should I take my child's phone away if they are bullied online?

The NSPCC says removing a phone or internet access is unlikely to solve it, and children may just go online somewhere else or in secret. Help them save evidence, block the account and report it to the platform instead.

About this article

Pictures
14 illustrations drawn for this article, each marked Illustration (drawings, not photos).
Sources
5 named sources, linked below.

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