How to apologise so it is accepted: the six parts, ranked by a study of 755 people

Say clearly that it was your fault and offer to put it right: in a 2016 study those two parts mattered most. Then say sorry, explain briefly and say what you will do differently. Asking for forgiveness mattered least.

By Abu Bakar SaadatPublished 28 October 20262 min readPublisher: Saadat Rafiq

✓ Reviewed by Malaika Murtaza, BS Psychology · 28 October 2026

Illustration

At a glance

Most important: Taking responsibility
Second: Offering to repair the damage
Least important: Asking for forgiveness
Evidence: Ohio State study of 755 people (2016); Japan/US study (2011)
Checked: October 2026

The six parts of an apology, ranked

Researchers at Ohio State University tested how 755 people reacted to apologies containing anywhere from one to all six of these parts (Lewicki, Polin and Lount, 2016). The best-rated apologies included all six, but the parts were not equally important:

Rank	Part	Example
1	Acknowledge responsibility	"It was my fault. I forgot."
2	Offer to repair	"I'll replace it this weekend."
3 (tied)	Express regret	"I'm sorry."
3 (tied)	Explain what went wrong	"I didn't check the date."
3 (tied)	Declare repentance	"It won't happen again."
6	Ask for forgiveness	"Can you forgive me?"

The examples are ours; the ranking is the study's.

Step 1: say it was your fault

Illustration of a woman with her hand on her chest and head slightly lowered, speaking to a friend — Illustration

Start with responsibility, the part that mattered most. The lead author's advice was to say it is your fault and that you made a mistake. Avoid "I'm sorry if you were upset" or a "but" that hands the blame back.

Step 2: offer to put it right

Illustration of a woman handing her friend a new mug, with a broken mug on the table between them — Illustration

This ranked second. The researchers' reasoning: offering to fix the problem commits you to action, which answers the worry that an apology is just talk. Be specific about what you'll do and when.

Step 3: say sorry and explain, briefly

Illustration of a woman explaining calmly to a friend while they sit side by side on a sofa — Illustration

Saying you regret it and explaining what went wrong tied for third. Keep the explanation short and factual, so it doesn't turn into an excuse.

Step 4: say what you'll do differently, then do it

Illustration of a woman writing in a notebook at a desk next to a calendar with one day circled — Illustration

Saying it won't happen again also tied for third. It only counts if your behaviour matches, so make a concrete plan, like a reminder or a changed routine.

Step 5: give them time

Illustration of a friend sitting by a window with a mug while the woman waits patiently a little way off — Illustration

Asking for forgiveness ranked last, and the lead author said it is the part you can leave out if you have to. You don't need to push for an answer straight away.

Apologies across cultures

A 2011 study compared Japan and the United States (Maddux, Kim, Okumura and Brett). In a survey, Japanese participants apologised more often than Americans, and were more likely to apologise for things they had not been involved in. Americans were more likely to see an apology as admitting personal blame. In a follow-up experiment, apologies for breaking trust (integrity) repaired more trust among Japanese participants. Apologies for mistakes of skill (competence) worked somewhat better with Americans. If the other person grew up with different expectations, an apology that sounds complete to you may not land the same way.

If this doesn't work

They aren't ready: acceptance can't be demanded. Keep your promise and let your actions do the work.
It keeps happening: repeated apologies for the same thing lose their value; the change you promised matters more than the words.
Someone is being hurt or feels unsafe: this is beyond an apology. Call the emergency number (112 in the EU, 999 in the UK, 911 in the US) if anyone is in danger.

Questions readers ask

What is the most important part of an apology?

Taking responsibility. In the 2016 Ohio State study, saying clearly that it was your fault ranked first, ahead of saying sorry.

Do I have to ask for forgiveness?

It helps least. Asking for forgiveness ranked last of the six parts in the same study, and its lead author said it is the one you can leave out.

Should I explain why it happened?

Briefly. An explanation of what went wrong tied for third place. Keep it to what happened, not why it was not really your fault.

Do apologies mean the same thing everywhere?

No. A 2011 study found that Japanese participants apologised more often than Americans, even for things they had no part in, while Americans were more likely to treat an apology as admitting personal blame.