How to go on a first date after a long relationship: 13 steps

If you're about to go on your first date in years, and your stomach can't decide between butterflies and dread, welcome. That mix is completely normal. Let's get you ready, calmly, so you can enjoy the good bits and spot the dodgy ones a mile off.

Denise hasn't been on a first date since 1998. Back then, you met someone at a friend's wedding and the biggest risk was his moustache. Now her son Kofi has set up her dating app ("Mum, you can't say 'enjoys a nice biscuit' in your bio"), her best friend Priya has opinions about every photo, and a man called Martin has asked if she fancies a coffee on Saturday.

She's excited. She's also slightly terrified, and that's sensible. Report Fraud, the police's national service for reporting fraud, says more than £102 million was lost to romance fraud in 2025, and people aged 55 to 74 lost nearly half of it. Most matches are just people hoping for a nice afternoon. These 13 steps help you enjoy those and spot the rest.

Before you swipe

1. Decide what you want this time

   

   This one is our advice rather than a rule from anywhere. After a long relationship, "dating" can mean anything from "a bit of company" to "the next 30 years". Neither is wrong. Knowing which you're after makes it easier to say no to people who want something different. If the break-up still feels raw, start with our guide on how to get over a break-up instead.

2. Keep your profile friendly, not findable

   

   Get Safe Online advises leaving your surname, workplace, date of birth, home address and contact details off your dating profile, and sharing more only when you feel comfortable. "Deputy head at St Something's" can wait. So can "enjoys a nice biscuit", according to Kofi.

3. Do a little homework

   

   Get Safe Online suggests searching the person's name, their profile pictures and any phrases they keep repeating, together with words like "dating scam", "romance scam" or "catfish". The City of London Police suggests a reverse image search, such as Google image search or TinEye, to see if their photos show up elsewhere. Two minutes on your phone. Much cheaper than heartbreak.

4. Stay in the app's chat for now

   

   Both Action Fraud's DateSafe tips and Get Safe Online say to keep talking on the dating platform's own messaging until you're confident the person is who they say they are, however much they ask you to move somewhere else.

   Try saying: "I'm happy chatting on here for now. Let's swap numbers after we've met."

The money rules

5. Never send money to someone you haven't met

   

   This is the one rule that never bends. Report Fraud says never send money, cryptocurrency or gift cards to someone you haven't met face to face. Get Safe Online adds bank details and passwords to the list, "however convincing or heartbreaking the reason they give". The City of London Police puts it simply: if you're in a relationship with someone you've only met online, any request for money should ring an alarm bell.

6. Learn the stories scammers tell

   

   Report Fraud says the requests usually come with a reason: an emergency, an investment opportunity, or travel costs so they can come and meet you. Get Safe Online warns about profiles that tug on the heartstrings straight away, such as a supposed ex-serviceman or someone recently widowed, and about sudden pleas of urgency. Different plot, same ending: you pay.

7. Notice the speed

   

   Report Fraud's warning signs include someone forming a relationship very quickly or showing strong emotions early, and making excuses to avoid meeting in person or on a live video call. Get Safe Online says to be cautious if someone declares their love within weeks, days or even hours. Real affection can wait until Thursday.

The date itself

8. Meet somewhere busy, and get yourself there

   

   Get Safe Online's advice for a first meeting: meet somewhere busy, arrange your own transport there and back, and keep your phone on. Its blog also says not to be pushed into meeting at their home or anywhere private. A short first date is fine, and if it isn't going well you can make your excuses and leave. You don't owe anyone anything, however long you've been chatting.

9. Tell a friend the details

   

   Get Safe Online suggests telling a friend or family member where and when you're going, and arranging for someone to call you so you have an easy way to leave early. Action Fraud also says to talk to friends and family about who you're dating.

   Try saying (to Priya, by text): "Café on the high street, 11 till about 12.30. His name's Martin, here's his profile. If I text 'pineapple', ring me with an emergency."

10. Keep your drink and your belongings close

    

    A Get Safe Online blog post says not to leave your drink or your belongings unattended. A coffee date makes that easy, and it means you're home in time for tea if it fizzles.

11. Let yourself be a bit rusty

    

    Our advice again, not a rule. You'll probably mention your ex. You may laugh far too loudly at a story about parking. That's fine. Try to keep the ex to one short sentence and spend the rest of the time finding out about the person opposite. Get Safe Online also points out that people can be more guarded face to face than online, so don't read too much into a slow start.

    Try saying: "Fair warning, I haven't done this since flip phones. Be gentle."

After the date

12. Watch for early red flags

    

    Get Safe Online says that if someone tells you not to mention them to your friends and family, they may be trying to isolate or coercively control you, and you should think seriously about ending things and blocking them. The City of London Police says the same about anyone who asks you to keep them a secret. If something about a new partner makes you feel watched, checked or scared, read our guide to the signs of controlling behaviour in a relationship.

    Try saying: "I don't share my phone with anyone yet. That's not personal, that's just me."

13. If something's gone wrong, there's no shame in it

    

    If you think you've been scammed, Report Fraud says to contact your bank straight away, then report it on 0300 123 2040 or through its online reporting hub. In Scotland, call Police Scotland on 101. Report the profile to the dating app too. The City of London Police warns that scammers sometimes come back pretending they can get your money back, so hang up on anyone who offers. And Action Fraud says not to feel ashamed or embarrassed, because you're not alone. Scammers do this for a living. You were just looking for company.

    As for Denise, she never needed the pineapple. She and Martin have a second coffee booked for next Saturday, and Kofi has been told to find somewhere else to be.

First-date safety at a glance

Source: Report Fraud, Romance fraud costs UK victims £102 million (4 May 2026); Action Fraud, Romance scams and Date Safe tips; City of London Police, World Romance Scam Prevention Day (October 2025); Get Safe Online, Safe online dating (all read 11 November 2026).

Before-the-date checklist

• My profile doesn't show my surname, address, workplace or date of birth.
• I've searched their name and photos with "dating scam".
• We're meeting somewhere busy, and I'm getting myself there and back.
• A friend knows who, where and when I'll be done.
• I know my rule: no money, gift cards or bank details for anyone I haven't met.

If you feel unsafe

• If you're in danger right now, call 999 in the UK, 112 in the EU or 911 in the US.
• If a date or new partner is frightening, controlling or threatening you, call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (UK, free, day or night), Hilfetelefon on 116 016 (Germany) or the National Domestic Violence Hotline on 1-800-799-7233 (US).
• If you're struggling to cope, Samaritans are on 116 123, free, day or night, in the UK and Ireland.
• If you've sent money, call your bank first, then Report Fraud on 0300 123 2040.

Your turn: what's the best, or most chaotic, first date you've had after a long relationship? Tell us in the comments. Someone nervous about Saturday needs to hear it.