Sorry seems to be the hardest word: what the research says

The questions

1. Question 1 of 5In the 2016 Ohio State study, which part of an apology mattered most?

   

   • Saying "I'm sorry"
   • Taking responsibility: "It was my fault"
   • Asking for forgiveness
   • Explaining why it happened

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   Answer: Taking responsibility: "It was my fault"

   Acknowledging responsibility ranked first of the six parts tested with 755 people (Lewicki, Polin and Lount, 2016, as reported by Ohio State University).

   Source: Ohio State University News: The 6 elements of an effective apology, according to science (2016)

   How to apologise so it is accepted

2. Question 2 of 5Which part came second?

   

   • Offering to put it right
   • Saying it won't happen again
   • Asking for forgiveness
   • Giving a long explanation

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   Answer: Offering to put it right

   Offering to repair the damage ranked second. The researchers' reasoning: it commits you to action, which answers the worry that an apology is just talk (Ohio State).

   Source: Ohio State University News: The 6 elements of an effective apology, according to science (2016)

   How to apologise so it is accepted

3. Question 3 of 5And which part mattered least?

   • Taking responsibility
   • Saying sorry
   • Asking for forgiveness
   • Offering to repair

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   Answer: Asking for forgiveness

   Asking for forgiveness ranked last, and the lead author said it is the part you can leave out if you have to (Ohio State).

   Source: Ohio State University News: The 6 elements of an effective apology, according to science (2016)

   How to apologise so it is accepted

4. Question 4 of 5Two 2005 studies by Frantz and Bennigson looked at timing. Which apologies did they favour?

   • Immediate ones, before the other person speaks
   • Later ones, once the hurt person felt heard
   • Written ones only
   • None: timing made no difference

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   Answer: Later ones, once the hurt person felt heard

   Both studies favoured later apologies, especially once the hurt person felt heard and understood (Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, as summarised by Florida Tech).

   Source: Florida Institute of Technology, Psychology Science Minute: #349 Apologies and Timing (on Frantz and Bennigson, 2005)

   How to apologise so it is accepted

5. Question 5 of 5A 2011 study compared Japan and the US. What did it find?

   • Apologies mean the same everywhere
   • Japanese participants apologised more often, even for things they had no part in
   • Americans apologised more often
   • Nobody in either country apologised

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   Answer: Japanese participants apologised more often, even for things they had no part in

   Japanese participants apologised more often, even for things they had not been involved in, while Americans were more likely to treat an apology as admitting personal blame (Maddux, Kim, Okumura and Brett, 2011).

   Source: Maddux, Kim, Okumura and Brett (2011): Cultural differences in the function and meaning of apologies, International Negotiation 16 (PDF)

   How to apologise so it is accepted