Is My Relationship Healthy?

The questions

1. Question 1 of 16You tell your partner something is bothering you. What usually happens?

   • They listen, and we talk it through. (3 points)
   • They listen, but it takes a while to sink in. (2 points)
   • They change the subject or brush it off. (1 point)
   • They get angry, or turn it back on me. (0 points)
2. Question 2 of 16You want a night out with your friends. How does your partner react?

   • "Have fun!" They have their own plans too. (3 points)
   • Fine, though they like a text now and then. (2 points)
   • They sulk, or make me feel guilty. (1 point)
   • They try to stop me, or keep checking where I am. (0 points)
3. Question 3 of 16How do your arguments usually end?

   • We calm down, talk, and sort it out. (3 points)
   • We make up, but the same thing comes back. (2 points)
   • One of us gives in just to stop it. (1 point)
   • I end up scared or apologising for things I didn't do. (0 points)
4. Question 4 of 16Does your partner look through your phone or messages?

   • No, we trust each other's privacy. (3 points)
   • Only if I hand it to them. (2 points)
   • Sometimes, when they're feeling insecure. (1 point)
   • Yes, or they want my passwords. (0 points)
5. Question 5 of 16You get good news, like a new job or a great grade. How does your partner react?

   • They're genuinely thrilled for me. (3 points)
   • Happy, but a bit distracted. (2 points)
   • They play it down. (1 point)
   • They seem annoyed, or find a reason to put it down. (0 points)
6. Question 6 of 16How do you feel about saying "no" to your partner?

   • Totally fine. They respect it. (3 points)
   • Mostly fine, though they sometimes push a little. (2 points)
   • Nervous. They often keep asking. (1 point)
   • I don't feel I can say no. (0 points)
7. Question 7 of 16How does your partner talk about you to other people?

   • Kindly. They make me feel proud. (3 points)
   • Nicely, with the odd tease that I don't mind. (2 points)
   • They make jokes at my expense. (1 point)
   • They put me down or embarrass me on purpose. (0 points)
8. Question 8 of 16Who makes decisions about plans, money or where you go?

   • We decide together. (3 points)
   • We take turns, mostly fairly. (2 points)
   • It's usually them. (1 point)
   • Always them, and I don't get a say. (0 points)
9. Question 9 of 16How do you feel when you're about to see your partner?

   • Happy and relaxed. (3 points)
   • Mostly happy, sometimes tired. (2 points)
   • A bit on edge, unsure what mood they'll be in. (1 point)
   • Anxious or scared. (0 points)
10. Question 10 of 16Your partner messes up. What do they do?

    • Say sorry and try to do better. (3 points)
    • Apologise eventually. (2 points)
    • Make excuses, or say it was my fault. (1 point)
    • Never apologise, and do it again. (0 points)
11. Question 11 of 16How much time do you still spend with friends and family?

    • As much as I want. (3 points)
    • A bit less, but that's my choice. (2 points)
    • Much less, because my partner doesn't like them. (1 point)
    • Hardly any. My partner has cut me off from them. (0 points)
12. Question 12 of 16How does your partner act when you disagree with them?

    • They respect that we see things differently. (3 points)
    • They try to convince me, then let it go. (2 points)
    • They keep going until I give in. (1 point)
    • They shout, threaten or go silent to punish me. (0 points)
13. Question 13 of 16Do you feel you can be yourself around your partner?

    • Completely. (3 points)
    • Mostly, yes. (2 points)
    • Only some of the time. (1 point)
    • No. I watch everything I say and do. (0 points)
14. Question 14 of 16How does your partner support your goals and hobbies?

    • They cheer me on. (3 points)
    • They're supportive when they remember. (2 points)
    • They don't really care. (1 point)
    • They try to stop me, or say I'll fail. (0 points)
15. Question 15 of 16Has your partner ever pushed, grabbed, hit or threatened you?

    • Never, and I can't imagine it. (3 points)
    • No, though they slam doors when angry. (1 point)
    • Not physically, but they've threatened or frightened me. (0 points)
    • Yes. (0 points)
16. Question 16 of 16If a friend had your relationship, what would you tell them?

    • "You two are great together." (3 points)
    • "It's good. Just keep talking." (2 points)
    • "Hmm, that doesn't sound quite right." (1 point)
    • "Please get some help." (0 points)